someone called me ugly... so let's talk about it!
and why calling women "ugly" is literally censorship
I got called ugly the other day. it was actually more lowkey, more subtle than that. Someone left a comment on one of my reels:
“omg you look chopped 😍😍😍”
it actually made me chuckle because it’s absolutely something my gen z cousin would say. but after a brief chuckle, I went into this person’s account and it had a dog as a profile picture (a very cute dog) and on the bio it says “19.” a 19-year old woman left this comment on my account.
gosh, I’m now thinking what was I doing at 19 years old? Instagram was already a thing back then (a big thing, at that). and I don’t ever recall having the desire to comment mean things on other people’s content. like, what would drive someone to do that?
and I live by this philosophy that to learn about what other people value or are insecure about, all you have to do is look at the things they say about others. and so this 19-year old woman telling me I’m “chopped” aka “ugly” is so sad. not because she called me ugly (which, I know exactly what I look like and I don’t need anyone else to define that for me) but the fact that by calling me ugly, I realize she also feels ugly herself.
People who are most critical of others are most critical of themselves. People who openly criticize other people’s appearances may have gotten their own appearance criticized so openly as well.
Hurt people hurt people.
When others call you ugly, it’s because they also feel ugly. When others call you xyz, it’s because they also feel xyz.
Hurt people want you to feel exactly what they feel. Unprovoked personal attacks are an exercise in self-revelation. They feel worthless and so they also want you to feel worthless.
and isn’t it interesting that one of the common ways women are made to feel worthless and discouraged from sharing their vibes and knowledge and presence with their community is by calling them ugly? fat? unattractive? (and no, I didn’t equate being fat with being unattractive, no nuance nellie. it’s one of the many names i’ve been called during my time as an influencer to shut me up.)
why not just call someone wrong? plain wrong? misinformed? out of touch? why go after people’s looks when you disagree with them?
low hanging fruit
I released this episode a while ago on “women’s wholesome obsession with s workers,” and the premise of that episode was to highlight how it’s a good thing that married women especially are supporting female s workers who make content on tiktok, with the biggest creator used as an example - blue eyed kayla jade. and the overarching message is that whether you are a housewife, a corporate worker, a wife, or a whore, under patriarchy we are all the same. we are all women. and othering other women who supposedly fall low on the morality scale is playing into the oppressive systems we live under. we are stronger when we all stand together. and obviously, many caveats were given during the episode about how you can support s workers without supporting the “work.”
anyway, out of all the episodes I have done on all the spoiled girlie topics, that one particularly had a lot of negative comments… about my appearance.