the female friendship crisis
this is why you don't have friends
hey bestie!
Today we are talking about the decline of female friendships as evidenced by the friendship crisis.
First off, let's acknowledge that female friendships are incredibly valuable. They're not just about having someone to grab brunch with (although that's pretty great too). Research suggests that women with strong female friendships may actually live longer and experience less depression, anxiety, and stress. It's like having a built-in support system that boosts your serotonin levels just by hanging out. How cool is that? And according to Dr. Gloria Gilbère, founder and CEO of the Institute for Wholistic Rejuvenation, when women spend quality time together, they produce more serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter that helps fight depression and contribute to a general feeling of wellbeing. This idea is supported by the American Psychological Association whose research reveals that “women who maintain strong friendships are less likely to experience depression, anxiety, and stress.”
But here's the kicker: despite knowing how amazing friendships are, many women are finding it increasingly difficult to make and maintain them. A 2021 survey found that nearly 60% of young women have lost touch with at least a few friends, and 16% are no longer in regular contact with most of their friends.
So, what's going on? Well, it's not just one thing. It's like a perfect storm of societal changes that are making it harder for us to connect:
The rise of "selfish friendships": We've become so focused on independence and avoiding "inconvenience" that we're forgetting how to show up for each other. It's like we're all trying to be low-maintenance friends, but in the process, we're losing the depth and intimacy that make friendships truly meaningful.
The disappearance of "third places": Remember when we used to just hang out at coffee shops, parks, or community centers without a specific plan? These "third places" – spaces that aren't home or work – are becoming less common, and with them, we're losing opportunities for those spontaneous interactions that often spark new friendships.
The "therapization" of relationships: While therapy is incredibly valuable (and I'm totally here for it), there's a growing trend of reserving all our deep, vulnerable conversations for our therapists. This can unintentionally create emotional distance in our friendships, as we're not sharing those intimate moments that build trust and closeness.
Now, I'm not saying we should ditch therapy or start inconveniencing our friends left and right. But maybe it's time to reconsider how we approach our friendships. What if we allowed for a little more "friction" in our relationships, as Rosie Spinks suggests? What if we made an effort to create our own "third places" or shared more of our authentic selves with our friends?
At the end of the day, friendships – like any relationship – require effort and investment. They're not always convenient, and they might not always fit neatly into our busy schedules. But they're worth it. As Jane Fonda beautifully puts it, female friendships are about sitting "facing each other, eye-to-eye" and being there for each other in times of need.
So, let's challenge ourselves to prioritize these connections. Let's make time for those coffee dates, be willing to have the deeper conversations, and show up for our friends – even when it's not perfectly convenient. Because in a world that can often feel isolating, having a strong circle of female friends might just be the superpower we all need.
bestie, wake up!
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Now get that bag, bestie!