🤎this week on the Spoiled Girlie Support Group🤎
“how to reclaim feminine energy [from masculine and miserable to feminine and thriving]”
“healing our relationship with beauty [unpacking aging, beauty standards, radical acceptance]”
“trad wives are indentured servants? - life after trad wife [broke, homeless, regret]”
🤎reccs🤎
hey bestie!
so I just got a kindle because I’ve been reading on my iPad and it was great for reading indoors but the weather’s been getting nicer and I’ve been wanting to read outside and the glare is just so bad on the iPad, I knew it was time to get an e-reader of some sort. and apparently, the tiktok girlies are OBSESSED. literally OBSESSED with their kindles. I have been influenced and i’m not mad about it. i’m literally reading 2 books a week minimum with ease.
🍵the tea 🍵
what’s wrong with being basic?
and this gets us to talking about our fear of being basic, our fear of being like other girls.
one of the weirdest comments i’ve gotten when I first started creating content was that I was BASIC. I guess it’s meant to be an insult? that we’re wearing what other girls wear, do what other girls do, think how other girls think… isn’t that supposed to be at most, a neutral thing? why does it have to be a bad thing?
why do we have to be unique? why do we have to distance ourselves from other girls? from other women?
things that are “basic” are essentially a crowdsourced opinion of what is good or fashionable or useful or recommendation-worthy. there’s so many other things I need to do and think about, it is so great that the girlies who have the time and energy and resources to test out different products can distill the selection for me so it’s one less thing to worry about. and the girlies are so good at doing this… women are so good at distilling information and curating and summarizing and sharing their recommendations.
it is our gift… add that to my list of why I LOVE BEING A WOMAN.
and as you know, I love PONDERING things (i’m rebranding “overthinking” into “pondering” btw). and one of the things i’m pondering about is our fear of being basic is the internalized misogyny factor of it.
like let’s talk about it…
why is being like other women such a bad thing? why do we ask “is it too basic?” whenever we wear something other women also like wearing? why do we always feel like we have to distance ourselves from other women? why can’t we revel in our alikeness?
because we’ve been conditioned to divide ourselves, that’s why. we’ve been conditioned to not trust each other, to not copy each other, to not celebrate each other.
and obviously, no nuance Nelly, we don’t have to all act, speak, and look the same way and obviously you practice this with nuance, but would it be so bad if we all celebrated each other’s tastes and take other women’s recommendations? and be proud that we remind other women of themselves? that we see each other in ourselves?
we are conditioned to not want to be basic, to not be like other girls, dislike other girls, HATE other girls… so we learn to hate ourselves.
and I think that’s such a sinister thing women have been conditioned to believe. and it took me such a long time to realize why I was filled with so much self-loathing at a certain point in my life.
I fell for all these feel good “self-love” mantras and instagram quotes and mirror affirmations… none of them worked… because I haven’t worked through one of the biggest blocks I had in loving myself — loving other women.
so if you’re struggling with developing your perception of your own self worth, try being okay with being basic, try being okay with being EXACTLY like other girls because loving other women is an exercise in self-love.
P.S. I designed this cropped tee way back when (if you’re an OG bestie, you know). I still get compliments on it to this day! Also if you're thinking of selling merch, I highly recommend Shopify.
📖besties book club📖
we’re officially starting our book club!!! i’ve been sharing my book reccs with you on the podcast and it just made sense to finally make space for it in our newsletter! so I present you the ✨besties book club✨.
as usual, we are not on a schedule here and I read more than 1 book a month so I can’t guarantee that I can keep my book reccs to 1 book a month max. it’ll be more like 1 book per newsletter (our newsletter that also doesn’t have a schedule despite the “Weekly” label bc i’m in my ✨feminine creative chaos era✨)
let’s segue… because I used to struggle with beating myself up over not being able to stick to schedules and deadlines because I felt like it’s some moral failing to not be consistent and go-go-go all the time… but like… it’s not that serious. as long as I get things done, I have my affairs in order, i’m doing fine. so I hope that frees you of that similar load.
without further ado, let’s start the book club with one of the foundational books of the spoiled girlie support group:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world…. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
here’s another quote I keep going back to:
“I cannot liberate you; you cannot liberate me. But if you liberate yourself, perhaps I can model my freedom after yours. We can show each other what it would look like to live in a state of loving ourselves, celebrating ourselves, living in service of purpose, and delivering on our own unique prophecy, fully bringing ourselves to the world in pride.”
I am so excited to share this book with you and I hope you find so much peace reading it as I did! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments and as always…
GET THAT BAG, BESTIE!
How are we following along/journaling with this book? Would love your tips and prompts bestie! 🫶🏽❤️